My thanks to 2013

   The laptop is still not fixed, but at this point I could care less. At first I was terrified because I had a bunch of folders with Sawyer and pregnant self saved in folders on my desktop screen. I realize the chance for them to be saved are pathetic. But I promised myself not to panic beforehand. If I lose them all then I will be upset. But even so, I know my mom has a bunch of them saved since I transfer her a bunch of my fresh pics via skype every time we talk. Plus whatever is posted on facebook and at vk can be downloaded too. I might still lose about 40% of photos, but what can I do. It's definitely not the worst thing that could happen to me. As I posted earlier - priorities shifted!

   December was short and flying, just like the previous 3 months. Sawyer is 17 weeks already! Where did all that time go?! I am so looking forward to this new year. So much is planned already. I just pray for patience, strength and time to get everything accomplished. Can't wait till it gets warm and nice outside again so that I could fully enjoy our walks with my son. Can't wait till my dreams and plans start coming true. The good start is set already though. 

   Christmas dinner with family was quite sweet and relaxing, even though I felt pretty tired. I was cooking a lot the previous night and Sawyer is still teething, so I am very sleep deprived the last 2 weeks. But we got so many presents, cards, wishes. I bet Sawyer has more clothes than me now. I didn't even know it was possible. He even got a little Adidas gym suit and mini Jordan shoes with a matching hat:) Oh, and authentic T-shirt from Thailand from my lovely twin girl. I got a hand mixer from my mother-in-law, I wanted one for a very long time. Mike got PS4+games+headphones with microphone from her. He was happy like a boy. It turned out though that all three of our TVs didn't have an HDMI port. Thus my proble, about what to get my hubby for Christmas was solved. I got him 32' Samsung LED smart TV, 1080 p. I bet he couldn't be happier:) He got me Timberland boots I wanted for so long, milk steamer to make lattes at home, a gift card for 1 hour massage session and a gift card for a session at the salon with a hair colorist. New year - new me! Also we got a coffee machine from Mike's brother's family. Our house is a full cup now, almost. I still want new leather couches, and a new house eventually lol 

   No plans for New Year's eve. My uncle brought me today a bottle of Sovetskoye champagne, so I am all set lol We just gonna stay at home. I will cook. We'll try just to chill and relax. Hopefully I will finally have a chance to take a nice hot bath with candles lit and music played. I haven't done it since Sawyer was born. Oh, and of course I will watch Russian TV with all the concerts and movies. Poor Mishka) I will dress up for him though, so he can watch me while I watch the TV.

   I am so happy and thankful for everything I have. I wanna say thanks to 2013 for making all that crazy money on New Year's Day, St. Patrick's, Memorial Day and during Hawks play offs; for being pregnant and giving birth to the most beautiful creature in the world, for getting married to the most faithful and loving man that I've ever met, obviously lol; for the trip to Orlando and for visiting Universal Studio; for the dinner with my future hubby on a cruise ship, for my beautiful baby shower that was a total success; for the best birthday gift ever - reuniting with my twin; for my beloved girlfriends that always support me even from afar; for Masha and Natalya cause they are always by my side even now, babysitting Sawyer when I ask for it; for Mike's family for being extremely helpful; for my significant change with my son's birth into a happier and wiser person overall; for my parents that are my angels for life, I owe them for every year I lived since I was born.

   I have two days to write my New Year's resolutions list. I promise to share it here.

   Last but not least, lets just be thankful that the world hasn't come to an end this year! Life is wonderful overall! 

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Almost 30 hours of stimulation and labor. God bless epidural!

 First picture of Sawyer ever taken!!!

Leaving the hospital!

A dream of a mother

   I have to fight my mood swings! Yesterday I was crying of happiness for a half of the night with my baby peacefully snoozing on my chest, and today I just feel melancholic, yet so thankful for everything I have. I don't know if these are still my hormones messing me up... Probably they are since I just remembered this funny/sad episode from yesterday. I finally finished watching Forrest Gump. I said finally, cause it took me 3 attempts to accomplish it. Not because the movie was bad or boring, I just didn't have the luxury of having straight 2,5 hours to relax and watch it all from the beginning to the end. Thus I had to space it out in time using Sawyer's naps. I can't watch that kind of a movie when I get distracted or interrupted all the time, I will not enjoy it then, I will not learn the lesson. And I believe it really aught me something new - when you don't chase material wealth and do as your heart tells you, you will get it all eventually without focusing on wrong stuff; no one in the world will ever love you and support you more than your mom does, to her you are the smartest,the most talented, special; there will always be people making fun of you and telling you you are destined to fail, but you can either waste your time and energy proving them something, or just ignore them and follow your own path, take advantage of your own life - and it will always bring you to success if you keep moving forward and stay persistent. These are just to mention a few lessons. But back to the sad/funny part. I had to wake up my husband cause I was crying so bad at the end. It's just so sad and touching, and of course Jeannie had to die, and of course the movie had to end with Forrest telling little Forrest how much he loved him, oh, and that white little feather like a 'hello' from Heaven just stroke my heart. I almost never cried before while watching movies, even real sad ones. Why am I such a whinie now?! It must be either hormones or motherhood wracking my brain and shifting my heart-soul-feelings priorities, or simply motherhood turning me into a completely different person - a MOTHER.

   Anyways, life is so unfair still! It feels like God is taking many breaks at looking after us, since he is letting so many babies and kids to get sick or simply suffer with bad cruel parents. Ugh((( I am a very empathic person (maybe cause I am a cancer), thus the more experiences I go through, the heavier all the sad stories hang on my heart. Since I became a mother I feel all the pain of every mom suffering through something with her child. Even though the joy of motherhood is pretty contagious and rewarding too. Unfortunately, the bad usually outweighs the good, just cause it's usually heavier and so discouraging on us. 

   Even though I might sound silly, but why everyone in this world can't just be happy, healthy and loved? That would be so perfect, so inspiring, so easy. I dream that every child had a loving family, a good health and a nice place to live. If that all went perfect from the very beginning and every kid got what it takes to become a decent human being, we wouldn't face the harsh reality with maniacs, serial killers, drug dealers, rapers, criminals... Every bad person is a very unhappy child, I truly believe it. 

PS. My laptop has crashed today, so I use my husband's one now. Thus I am not sure when I will be able to type in Russian again. 

PS 2. I was walking downtown yesterday evening with Sawyer in a stroller. It's so beautiful there, Christmas lights lit everywhere, Christmas decorations reminding you about the upcoming holidays on every pole and in every window. But for some reason, aside from feeling excited and fascinated, I felt that I am sorry, Chicago, but I am so tired of you. Too much time wasted previously, too many memories buried earlier, too cold and too tiring. Even though it would be really inconsiderate to leave the only close relatives we have (Mike's mom and brothers + my uncle), but I wanna make this silly wish today - I want me, Mike and Sawyer meet the next year in a new place - warmer, sunnier and overall happier! Do you hear me, Santa??? I was such a good girl this year! :)